How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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