cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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