Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
so much tequila, so little girl.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
