there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
