my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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