my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
