I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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