Don't make out with my wife yet
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She even gives head with a lisp.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
