I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
