Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
