K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
