So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Say something about gay babies.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
