Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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