got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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