i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
