True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
