I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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