Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
