me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wish my penis had a tongue
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
