dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my phone needs a breathalizer
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
