i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
