Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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