I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
