Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
