Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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