We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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