Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
