There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
