I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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