Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
