One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't deserve a penis
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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