i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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