I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
