I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
