Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
