is your mom at the bar?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
