She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
