my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
