i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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