I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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