It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
