Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
