I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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