You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
