does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
