I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
