We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
