their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I have demons in me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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