i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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