This house was built for laser tag.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
