I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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