It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
love makes seman taste better
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
